i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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