I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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