if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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