No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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