I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
