you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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