I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Brb crying the tears of my youth
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
