Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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