so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
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