I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
