an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
