Will you blow on my dice?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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