How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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