Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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