she was so not down for the gang bang
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
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