Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
