was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
