some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
