Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
What drink are we having for lunch?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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