how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
