Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Randomize
