fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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