In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
She made me pour olive oil on her.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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