Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
