The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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