Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
