I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
