he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
