totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
