I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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