You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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