I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize