I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
