If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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