Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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