Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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