He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
