He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
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