So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
