So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
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just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
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So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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