apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Be still, my beating vagina.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Randomize
