He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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