Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
