benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
there is another microwave in the elevator.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
