my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
