I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
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why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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