okay pat passed out under dana's car
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You need a sexual gate keeper
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Randomize
