We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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