I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
