either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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