I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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