I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
