This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
