Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
