I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
