You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
