K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
The maid of honor just puked.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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